Feline Defense Systems

I have had 5 cats in my life and they have all reacted differently to certain stressful situations. Car rides, vet visits, medicines etc. Each method of defense was unique.


Chaucer was Jonette’s cat. He was a big dumb gray male Persian cat. He was an animal that only had enough brains to hold one emotion at a time. He did manage two in my case. He held jealousy and hatred for me. He tried to kill me once. He let a bird into the house and of course Jonette demanded that I retrieve the live bird to put it outside. He waited till I caught the thing and when I was at the top of the stairs headed down to put the bird outside, he darted between my ankles. I tumbled down the stairs. Somehow I missed squishing Chaucer or the bird, my ankle was not so lucky. I limped to the door and set the bird free. There was a pow wow that evening and all the other dancers were asking me why I was not dressed out. I should have come up with a better story but I told the truth. Yea laugh it up feather heads….

Chaucer was not a fighter as much as a runner. His main defense was to hide. I do not have a picture of Chaucer handy. He was terribly frightened of cameras and everything else. I will add a picture of him later.


I came home one thanksgiving day to find a cardboard box on the counter with air holes in it. There was a note stating that I should not let my cat out of the bedroom. My cat, I don’t have a cat. Jonette decided that since she could barely get Chaucer to tolerate my existence that I needed a cat of my own. I went upstairs and found this seal point cat. Poor thing had ear mites and sad wiry fur. She was new and scared and I understood that. So I waited. Igamu’s favorite game at the time was bed mouse. Bed mice are legendary in the cat world. They taste better than any other mouse, if you can catch one. The best time to catch a bed mouse is at 2 am. I tolerated the foot attacks, it was cute.

Igamu used the traditional cat defense procedure. She was fully armed and operational and could use her claws and teeth quite well. One morning I was annoying Igamu by staring at her while she was in her cat condo. She just reached out and popped me on the forehead. BAM! She nailed me right above and between the eyes. I had a cat print right where Charles Manson has his swastika tattoo for the next 3 hours.


Minmins is a Scottish fold, Jonette found her at a cat show, she was the runt of the litter and Jonette got a good price for her. She was such a sweet little thing. Jonette was pretty upset when Minmins bonded to me. She would wake me up every night purring around my head and I would tell her to go bug Jonette. Unfortunately Chaucer attacked her and scratched her eye very badly, I had to give her a couple months of medication after the surgery to save her eye and she has not trusted me since.

Minmins also has all her claws and teeth but she does not use them. She uses a modified squid defense but instead of ink she blows all her fur. When she is upset the air and you will become covered in cat hair. It does not seem like much till the patented cinnamon cat hair targeting system kicks in and locks on your nose. It may not seem like much but when you get her hair up your nose you are compelled to stop and drop whatever you are doing and try to remove it.


Naboo is another Scottish fold cat. An old Comanche friend of mine named her that. He said that Naboo neans striped in Comanche. I have no idea if he was pulling my leg or not but Jonette liked the name and it stuck. We had a problem at the house. Chaucer and Igamu fought constantly. Remember how I said Chaucer did not have any brains, well he would pick fights with Igamu and she would just beat the kibble out of him every time. Meanwhile poor Mins was so upset that she refused to come downstairs and was licking bald spots in her fur. Jonette figured that in order for the cats to be normal, we needed another cat.

Enter Naboo stage right. Naboo refused to follow proper cat introduction procedures, every time I tried to leave her alone in a room she would scream, not just meow scream. So I opened the door and she walked around the house. She inspected every corner of every room in the house and when done laid down in the middle of the living room. This will do. From that point on she was public relations kitty. She was friend to everyone and enemy of none. Chaucer and Igamu stopped fighting as much and Minmins had a friend to play with. Jonette was right we did need another cat.

I never did discover what Naboo’s defense mechanism was she never scratched, she never bit, never blew her fur. She was always calm cool and collected. That is not to say she was a pushover. Igamu had claim to the bed, it was hers and no other cat was allowed on the bed with her. The very first night Igamu was on my chest getting scritches and Naboo jumped up and settled between my ankles. Igamu turned and hissed at her. Naboo responded by growling at her. Igamu would hiss and I could hear and feel Naboo, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Naboo made her point and without a single swipe or bite, Igamu jumped off the bed. Naboo’s best defense was never having to use it.


Catzilla is a ragdoll. When I brought him home after Chaucer died he was 2 pounds and could sit in my hand. Take it from me never name your bitty kitty Catzilla, unless you want him to grow up into a humongous floof monster. He is the most laid back cat I have ever met. For some reason as a kitten he would never meow, he would make a moo sound. I think he is Buddhist and was a cow in an earlier life.

Catzilla as a very young kitten created the most horrific defense mechanism ever seen in the feline world.

People would come over and see the little ball of fur. They would pick him up and hold him so his nose was right on theirs and…

“OH what a cute kitten you are… Oh yes you are such a cute kitty,”

*sniff sniff*

“Did your cat just…..” and they would hand him over to me.

Yes he would gas them, my own little weapon of mass destruction. And he had no concern for UN stipulations on the use of chemical weapons. My SBD kitty.

Have your cats or other animals developed defensive systems?


About ikcewicasa

Ikcewicasa means common man in Lakota. I guess that describes me. I am turning 40 next year. I have a college degree and I have a professional job. The blog is just random stuff. I try and keep most of my posts humorous in nature sprinkled with a bit of American Indian items, soundtracks (which I love), food (something I also love) and movies (when I have the money and time to go see them. so basically ramblings that rattle around in my mind. Hope you enjoy. Like what you read? comment and re post. don't like what you read, let me know as well. ALL STORIES ON THIS SITE ARE ABSOLUTELY TRUE... EXCEPT THE PARTS I MAKE UP!
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One Response to Feline Defense Systems

  1. “I think he is Buddhist and was a cow in an earlier life.”
    This made me LOL!

    I knew you would put the Catzilla farts on here the second you said it. And I am glad. 🙂

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