Sh*t My Cat Eats

Yesterday I came home and the spousal unit had gone all ambitious on me. She was making pasta for the very first time. Jonette and the kitchen looked like the Pillsbury Dough Boy strapped a bomb to his chest and declared a jihad against the cornmeal. The pasta turned out spectacularly. I have never tasted pasta so delicious. The flour coated kitchen was worth the effort.

Jonette uses a large plastic quilting table cover to work dough and she had set it aside because she no longer needed it. Enter Catzilla stage right. He makes a beeline for the flour covered piece of plastic and starts happily licking away. He cleaned off a good square inch before losing interest and wondering off to find trouble elsewhere. This is not the first time Catzilla has eaten or tried to eat things no right minded cat should show interest in. Last week Jonette informed me that Catzilla was eating uncooked rice. What could possibly attract him to raw rice and flour? He will also beg for corn chips, potato chips, cookies, crackers and popcorn.

Catzilla has two primary food obsessions. The first one is chocolate. I get it. I love chocolate. Chocolate is proof that god loves us. The Aztec, who developed chocolate, worshiped it and in my opinion chocolate is a worthy thing to give praise to. For cats or other animals chocolate is a big no no. Chocolate can be deadly to our furry domestic companions so no chocolate for Catzilla. Oh he tries, he tries so very hard to get at the sacred food. I think he likes chocolate donuts just as much as I do even though, to my knowledge, he has never had one. I have to fend him off as I eat chocolate and then make sure he cannot get to the crumbs or any morsels of goodness that may be left. I have found him rooting through the trash to get at a bag that once contained chocolate donuts. Another time he mauled a bag of powdered hot chocolate mix. I was not there to witness the event but the plethora of cat bites on the bag were evidence enough of the attack.

His other great food addiction is buffalo jerky. 5 years ago Jonette was kind enough give me a ration of buffalo jerky to eat. The jerky is almost exclusively used to make spirit food for ceremony. As soon as I opened the bag Catzilla stepped through some dimensional portal and ended up at my feet. I gave him a small piece of jerky that he quickly consumed. He then proceeded to climb up my leg to get at the rest of my jerky. After I thwarted the frontal assault he scaled back of my chair and attempted to gain access by going over my shoulder. Once again I blocked his attack and ran for cover in my office. I shut the door and proceeded to consume my birthday treat in peace.

The peace was quickly shattered by a tremendous boom. The door to my office rattled in the frame. Like Grond at the gates of Gondor Catzilla was throwing himself at my office door. Boom, Boom, Boom he attacked again and again. I sealed the bag and an uneasy silence descended upon my office. I figured that since Zilla was a cat he would soon find something else to attend to and leave me to my birthday treat. I waited 20 minutes and opened the bag again. The siege of my office was instantly redoubled; the din of the assault was soon joined by Jonette who had finally discovered what was going on. “Just give him some more jerky!” she shouted. I gave in, nothing was going to withstand the attack. I opened the door and threw the jerky down the hall. Catzilla sped off in pursuit of his hard won prize. I was resigned to my defeat as I sadly watched my cat devour the majority of my birthday treat.

Catzilla has a long memory for a cat. It is nearly time for sun dance and Jonette brought out another bag of buffalo jerky to make spirit food. Even 5 years after the great siege of Ikcewicasa, Catzilla recognized the bag and immediately sat on it to claim it as his own.


About ikcewicasa

Ikcewicasa means common man in Lakota. I guess that describes me. I am turning 40 next year. I have a college degree and I have a professional job. The blog is just random stuff. I try and keep most of my posts humorous in nature sprinkled with a bit of American Indian items, soundtracks (which I love), food (something I also love) and movies (when I have the money and time to go see them. so basically ramblings that rattle around in my mind. Hope you enjoy. Like what you read? comment and re post. don't like what you read, let me know as well. ALL STORIES ON THIS SITE ARE ABSOLUTELY TRUE... EXCEPT THE PARTS I MAKE UP!
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5 Responses to Sh*t My Cat Eats

  1. james26354 says:

    omg that is funny

  2. alien_avatar says:

    Cats DO like some weird things.
    I know of a cat that liked olives… /shrug.

  3. Bambi says:

    Sooo….maybe you should break out TWO bags of jerky…poor zilla…….poor poor Zilla

  4. Bru says:

    Bwaa ha ha! Hilarious!

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