The Case for Tails

Take a good look at your dog or cat or any other mammal that you may have in your house or see walking across your yard. I would bet most of them have a tail of some sort. Same thing at the zoo the snakes are all tail if you think about it. Tails are fantastic; they are expressive and useful for balance. Prehensile tails can be used to grab branches and other items. Why don’t humans have tails?

Just this morning I was walking into my building from the rain. I was struggling with my umbrella and neglected to dry my shoes off properly. My feet hit the nicely polished marble floor and shortly after so did my knees hands and forearms. I carefully picked myself up off the floor as the building management ran over to make sure I filed a report with them. I have a suspicion that they were more interested in covering their ass than the condition of mine. No blood, no broken bones, I am quite sore and stiff in several places but no major damage. I am a harsh critic of frivolous lawsuits so I have no intention of trying to sue anyone since this will cost me nothing.

I considered the fact that if I had a tail, like my cat does, I could have used it to keep my balance and not attack the floor. If you are thinking of attacking the floor keep in mind that you will not win, you cannot win. The floor and its constant ally gravity is far too powerful an opponent for a single person to overcome without tools. Hammers, axes, crowbars, and jackhammers are good to use in a floor attack, an umbrella, side bag and your face, not so much.

Anyway back to tails. I wish for a tail is not based in deviant furry love or anything like that but I wonder why we do not have them. Think about all we could do with a tail. Once we learn to not get them stuck in doors or step on them, at minimum we could keep ourselves occupied for hours chasing them. Round and round and round, dogs think there is something to it. A basic tail would help us maintain balance. A thick heavy tail could be weaponised and used in battle. A prehensile tail could be used to hold items. Come on how many times in your life would a third hand come in handy.

Not only are tails useful they can be lucrative as well. Think of the fashion options. All manner of dangles and bobbles and tail coverings can be created and sold just think Gucci tail sheaths. Plastic surgeons could make designer tails for rich clients. Our sad existence would be made better and safer if we had tails.

If the creator was handing out tails today, what tail would you have?

I will take a lion tail please.


About ikcewicasa

Ikcewicasa means common man in Lakota. I guess that describes me. I am turning 40 next year. I have a college degree and I have a professional job. The blog is just random stuff. I try and keep most of my posts humorous in nature sprinkled with a bit of American Indian items, soundtracks (which I love), food (something I also love) and movies (when I have the money and time to go see them. so basically ramblings that rattle around in my mind. Hope you enjoy. Like what you read? comment and re post. don't like what you read, let me know as well. ALL STORIES ON THIS SITE ARE ABSOLUTELY TRUE... EXCEPT THE PARTS I MAKE UP!
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2 Responses to The Case for Tails

  1. Bru says:

    LOL I’d have a long prehensile tail like a spider monkey, so I could grab tree branches and swing around slow-walking people. And pick up stuff!

  2. Arlee Bird says:

    Thank you for your comment to me on Elizabeth West’s blog. I had no doubt that there were probably native American presentations in the Los Angeles area. I will have to keep my eyes and ears open for any upcoming events.

    I was glad to read of your aversion to frivolous lawsuits as it is something I am equally against.

    As far as tails–strange thought indeed!–I guess I would have to go with the prehensile type to carry things and use for just hanging around. Don’t kangaroos use their tales to help them jump? That would be cool too.

    Tossing It Out

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