The History Channel.. we just make this shit up as we go along….

Ok I am a sucker for the whole 2012 thing.  I love it.  I love it all. it is great stuff.  Galactic conjunctions, pole shifts, nuke wars, virus outbreaks I especially love how the Mayans are sitting right smack in the middle of it all.  Their calender shows a major period change on Dec 21st 2012 the date where it all ends in earthquakes volcanoes, tsunamis, hurricanes, rives and seas boiling, fire and brimstone falling from the heavens… and yes dogs and cats living together.

So the Mayans have a calendar that if you read it just right will end on Dec 21st 2012  never mind that we all have calendars that end every year.  Mine ends in a couple days… Friday to be exact… OH SHIT we are so doomed!  No, no, wait! Jonette brought a new 2011 calendar home from work last week.  It is from Showtime and it has Dexter on it.  Cancel the mass hysteria.  It is comforting to know that there will be a next year even if every month has a picture of a serial killer associated with it.  Unlike the Dexter calendar You can not bring the Mayan calendar home.  That thing is humongous and is made of rock.  Plus the Mayans no longer make them except for tourists these days.

Ok so what does this have to do with the History Channel… Some time over the weekend I recorded a “decoding something or other”  ohhh yea Apocalypse….  They had the usual suspects.  Mayan experts and authors yammering on about their calendar and the changing epochs.  Not a single Mayan was interviewed.  In fact I have never seen a Mayan face say anything on TV about this.  My Mayan friends say two things.  1, they ran out of room on the rock, and 2 that calendar was created over a thousand years ago. The Mayans figured they would have time to make a shiny new one with Dexter images on it by the time 2013 rolled around.  Unfortunately the ancient Mayans who came up with the original calendar are long gone, and Showtime Dexter calendars seem to work well enough.  So they are not interested in making a new humongous stone monstrosity just so we all know that Mary Sparrow Hawk as a dance recital on Tuesday.

Next up was a series of religious and history scholars going on about oracles and prophets from ancient Greece, Rome to medieval Europe.  Religious scholars discussing the book of Revelations.  Stories of the Antichrist and a world plunged into endless war and plagues.  I guess Nostradamus has been played out because he was not mentioned even once.  Can we really forget Nostradamus or is he considered cliche.  Adding Merlin to the mix was a nice touch though.  Merlin predicting the end of the world.  No dates though, have to go back to the Mayans for that one.  And yes it appears that Camalot is still a silly place and quite possibly just a model.

Time for some credibility…..  bring out the *cough* scientists *cough*.  First up is an astronomer.  Apparently the Earth, Sun, and black hole at the center of the galaxy are going to line up just right on Dec 21 2012.  The super galactic conjunction will cause massive tidal surges, earthquakes, tsunamis, and volcanic eruptions and even possibly a pole shift.

The pole shift will doom us all.  errrr not really.  Some researchers believe a pole shift is underway today because the magnetic field has decreased in intensity as much as 10% – 15% over the last 150 years, with the rate of decay increasing more significantly in recent years. If this trend continues, the magnetic field will be gone in 1000-2000 years. A weakening magnetic field is a precursor to pole shifts.  You think your gps gets you lost on the way to Starbucks now… just wait a thousand years or so.

Now that the scientists are done yet one more player is brought into the fray.  Black Elk,  seriously Black Elk?  Hey history channel morons, Black Elk did not create the Ghost Dance.  That was Jack Wilson aka Wovoka, a Paiute.  Black Elk did not even bring the Ghost Dance to my people.  The Lakota interpretation of the dance was that the earth would open up and swallow all the white people and flames would cleanse the earth and that the buffalo and our dead ancestors would emerge from the maw.  It was a nice apocalyptic vision for the outsiders,  No mention was made how we would survive.

The above was not Black Elk.  Yes he had a vision and the first part of that  vision was fulfilled on Dec 29th in 1890 on the banks of Wounded Knee creek.  He saw the people broken.  Their world destroyed.  The second half of his vision was the restoration of the Lakota people and the buffalo after 7 generations of suffering.  Although there are reports that Black Elk had an apocalyptic vision, he did not.  Once again not a single Lakota face was used, only experts… experts on what?  I do not think anyone really knows.

The show ended with Hopi prophecies of the end of the 4th world.  I am not Hopi so I can not say much about their beliefs.  I have never discussed this with Hopi people so I am not prepared to say what if anything is accurate in regards to Hopi traditions.  However if they are as accurate with the Hopi as they are with us Lakota they probably fucked it all up.

Case in point –

I remember one show where the narrator stated that the Lakota word for white man was “wasicu”.  That was correct but he continued on saying that wasicu ment godlike because the white invaders wore pants…….

seriously…. are you fucking kidding me????????  Wasicu is a combination of two words.  wasi meaning fat and cu meaning to take.  The term wasicu literally means “taker of fat”  The connotations of that word are not nice and refers to the practice of white buffalo hunters that would kill buffalo, take the fat or best meat and leave the rest to rot.  Nothing godlike about that.  The pants thing, I can see a Lakota elder pulling a prank on some idealistic college researcher.  It does happen, and it was funny.  But godlike is just downright offensive.

History Channel we make this shit up for you wholesale……..

*edited…. thanks Rick…. you rock.

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About ikcewicasa

Ikcewicasa means common man in Lakota. I guess that describes me. I am turning 40 next year. I have a college degree and I have a professional job. The blog is just random stuff. I try and keep most of my posts humorous in nature sprinkled with a bit of American Indian items, soundtracks (which I love), food (something I also love) and movies (when I have the money and time to go see them. so basically ramblings that rattle around in my mind. Hope you enjoy. Like what you read? comment and re post. don't like what you read, let me know as well. ALL STORIES ON THIS SITE ARE ABSOLUTELY TRUE... EXCEPT THE PARTS I MAKE UP!
This entry was posted in Does this smell funny to you?, Native Stuff, Political Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The History Channel.. we just make this shit up as we go along….

  1. Jon says:

    Yeah, the “pants” thing. I could see an elder saying that. I know that a lot of white linguists said it was a reference to sicun. I know a lot of white people thought they were gods.

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