BRAIIIIINZ……

I am not a huge zombie movie fan but I have really been enjoying “The Walking Dead” on AMC.  I have seen a fair share of zombie films and they all pretty much follow the same pattern or structure.

A person or small group of people suddenly find themselves in a world of living dead.  It is the job of the person or persons to survive the onslaught of hungry dead people until they can find sanctuary or a cure.  During the process we yell and scream at the unfortunate souls as they make a series of very bad decisions and we watch as they suffer the consequences.  OMNOMNOMNOMNOM.

How to survive zombies 7 essential rules.

1. Our heroes take far to long to recognise the situation.  If you or I woke up to a destroyed world with lots of smelly decomposing people walking around our first thought is “OH FUCK! Zombies!”

2. It takes forever for our heroes to recognize that the masses of mobile decomp are dangerous.  None of us would walk up to one and say “Hey bro you ok dude?” with the result that we get our faces eaten off.  It always takes at least 1 if not multiple close encounters to realize that the zombie idea of friend is people tartar.

3. It does not take encountering another survivor to learn that if a zombie eats on you, you become a zombie.

4. first order of business is weapons.  Lots and lots of them.  Finding your family is second.  In the real world if, you are without your familia and faced with hundreds of zombies, it is most likely that your family is either dead or gnawing brains.

5. next thing is communications of some sort, cb, shortwave is best.  Power, gas, and water is out.  If you establish communications make sure it is not some automatic broadcast but a real person.  Never listen to rumors from other survivors.  By the time you get to the refugee camp in Atlanta they are beyond their expiration date but do not know it yet.  more people == more zombies.  Head for the hills.

6. stay in the open.  zombies like buildings, dark rooms, hallways, tunnels.  Tunnels always always have zombies.  The darker and more enclosed a place is the more zombies will be in there waiting for the next happy meal to wander in.

7. Never go alone, yea having your new bff at your side will not guarantee that you will not end up zombie chow. but if nothing else if you do end up face to face with a crowd of dead, just know that you only have to run faster than your partner.  Going out alone is never a good idea because if you see one zombie there are hundreds waiting for the buffet.

I am preaching to the choir here.  we all know what to do in the face of a zombie apocalypse, we have had numerous training films and television shows.  We know that zombies range from slow shambling horrors to quick athletic dealers in brain noming death.  We know all about zombies.  We know how to kill zombies and we know how to avoid becoming a zombie.  The fact that we know may just save every one of us.

It has occurred to me that everyone in a zombie movie acts as though they have never seen a zombie movie.  So take heart all living readers.  Since zombie apocalypses only seem to happen in a world where no one knows about them, and we live in a world with zombie films the zombie apocalypse can never happen.

I hope…….

and even if it does happen… we all know what to do.

Good luck, out there! and if you have other rules of engagement or survival please add to them 🙂

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About ikcewicasa

Ikcewicasa means common man in Lakota. I guess that describes me. I am turning 40 next year. I have a college degree and I have a professional job. The blog is just random stuff. I try and keep most of my posts humorous in nature sprinkled with a bit of American Indian items, soundtracks (which I love), food (something I also love) and movies (when I have the money and time to go see them. so basically ramblings that rattle around in my mind. Hope you enjoy. Like what you read? comment and re post. don't like what you read, let me know as well. ALL STORIES ON THIS SITE ARE ABSOLUTELY TRUE... EXCEPT THE PARTS I MAKE UP!
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2 Responses to BRAIIIIINZ……

  1. That is a comfort, that it can’t happen because we know about it. I myself often imagine what I would do if confronted by hordes of the undead while waiting in line at the post office, the grocery store, etc. I keep an eye out for things that would make good weapons in a hurry. Just in case…

  2. Gert says:

    Haha, I also keep an eye out for impromptu weapons, how many exits are there from the room…

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