Ikce Reduction Experiment

Ok time to come clean. I am fat. Not just fat, Orca fat. My 40 years and continued eating habits of a 20 year old stoner have caught up with me. My metabolism can no longer keep up with my calorie intake and lack of exorcise. Because of my weight I have sleep apnea and I am experiencing other health issues. It is time that I clean up my act. It is time that everyone sees less of me, in a sense.

Here are the gory details:

Height = 6’2″

Weight = No clue, last time I was weighed I was 360 and that was 4 years ago.

Waistline = 56″

Shirt size = 3X

I have two major problems that I need to overcome. I love food; to make matters worse I love potatoes, rice, bread, cheese, ice cream, cookies, brownies, cakes, pie and chips. All the worst things are the things that I love. The other problem is that I eat when I am bored. I nibble constantly.

My dear wife Jonette has a coworker that has used the HCG diet with great success. The HCG diet is a modified paleo diet that includes a supplement that suppresses apatite. I have my doubts but starting today I am giving it a shot.

The diet works like this. I start taking the HCG supplement twice a day; one dose before lunch and another dose before dinner. I have just taken my first 1ml of HCG. It is supposed to taste like chocolate. Yea right it is freak’n nasty. For the first 3 days I load up and eat whatever the hell I want to eat. If declaring war on 2 dozen chocolate chip cookies and a quart of Ben and Jerrys floats my boat for breakfast, I can go right ahead and begin my campaign of shock and awe. I have only 3 days to complete my assault and then the UN takes over on Friday.

For the next 27 days I am restricted to 2 4 oz servings of lean beef or chicken, some salad and two servings of fruit. I cannot have beef twice on the same day, same with chicken. If lunch is chicken then dinner is beef. Apples and oranges make the best fruit servings. The fruit can be eaten with my meal or as snacks but only two a day. After 30 days I must no longer take the HCG supplement. I can go back on the supplement after 30 days if I choose.

I am not sure if the reports are true but people are losing a pound or more per day. Most scales only weigh up to 350 pounds so even at max effectiveness I will not be able to gauge my weight for at least 10 days, till after the 3 binge days, so that would be Friday. I am not expecting to lose a pound a day but it sure would be nice.

Starting on Friday I have committed myself to 27 days of food hell, afterwards I will go on a paleo diet to maintain and continue to lose weight. I hope all goes well. I have some favorite shirts that no longer fit and I would love to wear a Tanka Bar shirt, but the biggest they come is in 2X. It has been years since I was able to wear a 2X shirt so that would be nice. Tanka Bar shirts are yellow, one of my favorite colors so BONUS!

So that is my goal, wear a Tanka Bar shirt and start powwow dancing again and other things.

I plan on providing weekly updates as to my progress.

Wish me luck.

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,400 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 40 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

The Vegetarian Jungle.

I am not a vegetarian and I probably never can be. Do not get me wrong I love vegetables, minus a few exceptions like peas, cauliflower, and celery. I had to go to school to learn that kids hated spinach. I was ok with that just meant more for me. I love vegetables, I like them raw, I like them roasted, I like them grilled, I like them sautéed, I am not a fan of boiled vegetables and that is where I think most people go wrong. Boiled vegetables are horrible, sorry there is just no other way to put it.

 

So other than boiled vegetables I am a vegetable fan, so much so that I will eat the broccoli first before it gets cold kind of person. So it would be safe to assume that I would dig vegetarian food. Sadly that is just not the case. I am sitting here at work picking at a dish of poblano peppers filled with quinoa grain. It smelled good, it even looks pretty good. The dish has poblano peppers in it so it must have some flavor.

Nope, seriously how much mad skillz does it take for a chef to take a delicious poblano pepper and render it tasteless? Yes there is a hint of heat from the decidedly mild peppers but I have eaten a chicken stuffed poblano that tasted fantastic. The pepper itself was just bursting with flavor. This all tasted like boiled vegetables. It not only tasted like eating a shadow but the act of eating it created a mouth feel that was mushy and grainy.

That is one side of the vegetarian spectrum I have tried, the other was long ago on a trip to Chicago. We stopped in at a local authentic vegetarian Indian establishment. I had a feeling that I was punked. The place was a large dirty buffet type restaurant with trays of unidentifiable food. There were no explanations of what the dishes were so I just played a game of food Russian roulette. The immediate results were not enjoyable. Every dish I sampled was nose wateringly over spiced. The later results were even worse when I crash redecorated the hotel bathroom that night. I now have an unhealthy fear of Indian food that will probably never go away.

I have also experienced home cooked vegetarian food. Jonette and I were invited over to a friend’s house to enjoy a feast of vegetarian lasagna. The lasagna came out of the oven and it looked like paste, there was no color just white and beige. I took a plate full of the half liquid mass and took a bite. Once when I was a kid someone dared me to lick a salt lick. Salt licks are big blocks of salt that ranchers use for their cattle. I had one in the back yard to attract deer. Deer like salt licks as well. I think that there was more salt in that lasagna than in the salt lick in my back yard. I forced myself to eat the rest and refused any second helping. To top it all off she served a desert of flourless chocolate cake that could have had a spectacular career as a puck in an NHL playoff game. Good thing there was a Burger King on the way home and a 7-11 where I could get a gallon of water to counteract the salt.

I will admit that I have not had good vegetarian food; maybe good vegetarian food is worth eating. Sadly I have yet to experience vegetarian or vegan food that is worth trying a second time. I am actually sad that my experience today just racks up another point in the bad column. I will go on eating vegetables and meat. I like them both and will keep my options open. Maybe someday I will find vegetarian food that is worth eating.

Until then “Stay hungry my friends!”

How I Passed High School Physics

I just completed a test on my scientific literacy. The test was 50 questions from Astronomy, Biology, Chemistry, Geology, Meteorology, Paleontology, and Physics. I got 37 out of 50. I am not happy with that result; I am weak in Chemistry and Physics, two courses I struggled with in high school. I know the reason. I struggle with math. I cannot keep numbers straight in my head. Numbers scramble, they twist and turn. I can do a set of mathematical problems at home or in class but come test time I can’t retain the processes of untangling equations. Physics and Chemistry are very much math based sciences.

Physics and the numbers problem.

Physics was an absolute nightmare for me. I can visualize the experiments, the concepts make complete sense. I can see how things are supposed to work but once numbers are assigned I am lost. It is not even a memory thing; all the equations were posted around the room near the ceiling. They could have been written in Greek for all the good it did me at test time.

There was another student in my class. His name was Andrew he was very bright and a wizard when it came to numbers. Andrew could work those equations in ways I never thought imaginable. On the other hand he could no more visualize the experiments or set them up any more than I could manipulate the numbers. The two of us made a whole person, and we always teamed up as lab partners.

Unfortunately even with Andrew in the class I was still doomed. There were no partners for the tests. I would sit down and look at the test watching the equations and numbers slither around the page. I was hopeless and racked up fail after fail after fail. There was a massive crash and burn in my future and there was nothing I could do to avoid it.

What’s in the box!!!!!

Physics was my last class of the day and I was a bus student and had a ridiculously short amount of time to dash to my bus at the end of classes. Getting left behind was a disaster that had to be avoided at all costs. In order to reduce the time needed between end of class and catching the bus, I would take everything I needed to bring home with me to my physics class. One day I needed to bring home a feather fan that I had brought in for another class. I had the feather fan in a basic cardboard box that I tucked under my arm as I entered the classroom.

I was not the most popular kid in school, oh who am I kidding I was the least liked kid in the history of the school. I had a speech impediment that I was struggling with and succeeding in suppressing. Unfortunately I lived in a small town with a small population of students so I was immediately labeled a retard. Combined with the fact that I was devastatingly shy I was also labeled a homosexual. This opened me up to constant badgering every day. The day I had a box with me in class gave the other students a new opportunity to harass me something my fellow students never passed up. “What’s in the box? What’s in the box?” Followed by several highly sexual suggestions of what I could possibly have in it. For some reason I was not going to tell them what I had in the box, it was no business of theirs anyway. I finally had enough so I turned around and said. “It’s a letter bomb now leave me alone!”

Did I just say that out loud?

Yea I did just say it out loud; the furious activity of my classmates regarding the possible contents of my box came to a screeching halt.

I am 40 years old so I graduated high school long before Columbine or any other school massacres but it was still the absolute worst thing to say. The instructor responded “David would you please come up here.” This is it I thought, next will be counseling at best, detention again, or suspension, a swat, maybe the police at worst. I walked slowly up to his desk. “You are a smart kid David, but you are failing my class. I bet you are smart enough to actually build a letter bomb. If you can diagram one on the board and explain how it works for the class I will pass you.” A fog of confusion and relief surrounded me. This is not the end? All I have to do is draw a diagram of an IED on the black board and explain how it would work and I pass physics. “Yea ok” I said. He handed me a piece of chalk. “Students we have a special class today!” the instructor announced and sat down at his desk. I went to work.

I will not go into detail about what I drew on the board or my explanations of how it would work and where to get materials. I would like to report that even after instructing a class and impressing my classmates with my knowledge that their opinion of me was changed, sadly that is not the case. Years of stuttering and shyness will not be overcome by 40 minutes of impressing or scaring the hell out of my classmates. In fact the event probably just added the label scary psychopath to the list of perceived character and mental flaws they had all tacked onto me. However I did receive a D in physics that year, a passing grade just as the instructor promised.

 

I would not in any way suggest that anyone try this approach to pass physics or any other class. I was damn lucky to get out of it without being prosecuted even before the current hysteria that has gripped our nation over school shooters and terrorists.

 

Hi Mom! I am not sure you know about this one. J

 

 

Good Cat, Bad Cat, Kitten

Sorry that I have not been around much recently. Holidays get crazy and Happy Holidays to my entire handful of readers. This holiday season the wife and I added a new family member.

Meet Yoshi! She is a 3 or 4 month old kitten. We adopted her from the Denver Dumb Friends League earlier this month. She is a real cutie as you can see. In this picture she is completely knackered after a long play session and a bath. She is so busy playing that she does not clean herself so we have to do it for her. Jonette and I needed some happiness this winter and a kitten fit the bill. Catzilla also has been wanting for a companion. His trying to play with Cinnamon has not been received well due to the fact that Cinnamon is old and grumpy.

It was not long before Yoshi and Catzilla became fast friends. They are nearly inseparable. It took only a week. I came in from the garage refrigerator carrying some food items and found Catzilla flat on his back in the middle of the living room floor with Yoshi bouncing around his head biting his neck. After 3 weeks they play constantly.

Yoshi seems to be pretty smart; we have a cat toy that is a piece of plastic fringy stuff on the end of a wire. I put the handle in between the arm and cushion of the couch so that Yoshi can play with it solo. Yoshi spent a couple days jumping and batting at the plastic fringy stuff and then realized that a wire was attached to it. She now plays with it by jumping up on the couch and manipulating the wire to make the toy bounce around. This occupies her for hours at a time.

Just recently she got the fringy part stuck in the door of the fireplace. I was going to let Yoshi worry over getting it loose for a bit and then free it for her. Catzilla was watching the activity and, before I decided to help out, ran over to the fireplace and attempted to free the toy for Yoshi. Catzilla was unsuccessful so I intervened and all was happy with the world. I am amazed that Catzilla was so quick to see the problem and then try to help out. Good Cat.

Unfortunately Cinnamon, I have already mentioned is old and grumpy, wants nothing to do with Yoshi other than make her disappear.

We have 5 cat nests, and 3 cats. Catzilla refuses to use any of the cat nests. He prefers boxes. So we have 5 cat nests and only 2 cats using them. Yoshi took a liking to a small white donut shaped one and yesterday Cinnamon decided to pee in it. Not just a little pee, she hosed it down. Cinnamon must have saved over a day’s worth and just let fly right before we got home. We came into the house and poor Yoshi was trying to bury it in the living room. I found a long stick and managed to get the soaked thing in the washing machine. Yoshi will have her nest back tonight. Cinnamon will just have to cope with having only 4 nests and 3 chairs to sleep on. Bad Cat!

I cannot be to mad at Cinnamon, she is 18 years old and is losing her teeth and her kidneys are bad. We have to give her antibiotics for her teeth and liquid for her kidneys. And she sleeps all day or is eating or begging for food. I just wish she would leave Yoshi alone, Yoshi spends all her time chewing on Catzilla and he could not be a happier cat for it.

More pictures of Yoshi.

https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/114828832787645499040/albums/5685824511724566673

https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/114828832787645499040/albums/5689814004617135201

Pictures of Yoshi and Catzilla

https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/114828832787645499040/albums/5686771171130217569

Denver Dumb Friends League.

http://www.ddfl.org/

Video of Yoshi and Catzilla playing King of the Box. A favorite game.

It is the Holidays “Jingle bells, Batman Smells…”

Ahhh the holidays. There is Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, Solstice, and New Year’s. I used to work retail and the happy holidays usually ended up as a month of misery and upset. It is a tough thing manning the counters and providing everyone the necessities for having a good holiday season. I understand the stress of customers, feasts, parties and gift giving. I get it. I feel your pain.

What I do not understand is the massive amount of self-burdened annoyance regarding the names of the holiday season.

Let’s take Thanksgiving first. I know people who absolutely hate Thanksgiving. I and others call them super Indians. They see Thanksgiving as a day of mourning not celebration. Yes the kids running around in paper feathers and fake fringed vests are annoying. However, as I have always said holidays are what you make of them. There is nothing more Indian in this world than saying “thanks” and eating massive quantities of food with your friends and family. The very concept of a thanksgiving feast was created here for a reason. Indian people have had thanksgiving feasts long before any pilgrims arrived. There are no pilgrims at my table, only friends. The anti-thanksgiving stuff is just stupid; there is no other way to describe it.

The next holiday is Christmas. I am not Christian but I understand that we live in the Christian nation. When I worked through college at a liquor store I would tell customers Merry Christmas during this time of the year. I was stunned when a customer yelled back at me “I’m Jewish!” errr um ok. I figured that since Merry Christmas offends some of our Jewish customers I decided “Happy Holidays” it is. I want to be inclusive, since not only is there Chanukah, but Kwanzaa and Solstice. I can be all inclusive and multicultural and ummm stuff.

 

That is not good enough!

A week later I say Happy Holidays and the customer responds. “This is Christmas! Jesus is the reason for the season! How dare you say Happy Holidays to me?” I wanted to beat my head on the counter till I lost consciousness. I can’t win.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!

Super Indians – If I say Happy Thanksgiving to you, I am not participating in or honoring colonialism or genocide. Nor am I expressing approval for the god awful Thanksgiving pageants and other silliness that goes on with the so called “First Thanksgiving” I know it is all BS. I celebrate as a true giving of thanks, thanks that has been given on this soil long before America existed. If you live outside the United States, yea my bad just take it as “have a good day”

Christians. If I do not say Merry Christmas I am not oppressing you or waging war on your beliefs. I know what a war on beliefs looks like, and I can guarandamntee you that Happy Holidays is not a war against Christianity. In fact here in the United States there is no war against you of any kind. If you say “Merry Christmas” to me I will smile and say “Merry Christmas” back to you, and I will mean it.

Jews. If I say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to you, I am not oppressing you or ignoring your culture and beliefs. I am treating you like I treat everyone I see. I cannot tell if someone is Jewish on sight so please forgive me for my error. In fact if you say “Happy Chanukah” I will smile and say “Happy Chanukah” back to you, and I will mean it.

Almost all of us are celebrating something this time of year. Not all of us are celebrating the same things; some of us are not celebrating anything at all.

 

So

Happy Holidays everyone, even if that irritates you… still have a happy holidays, it really is the best I can do. Celebrate the season however you wish to, but enjoy it and do not worry so much about how or if everyone else is celebrating.

Can we all agree on New Year’s? Or does there need to be drama over that as well?

Value of a Life?

What is the value of a human life? What determines the monetary or news worthiness of a life.

Naomi was just two years old. Her family was broken and she was placed in foster care for her protection. In Feb 2008. The little girl was placed under the care of Amy Holder in Sept for 2009. On Jan 20th 2009 her short life ended.

A medical examiner’s report showed there were scrapes and bruises on Naomi’s face, chest, back, legs, right buttock and head, as well as old and new scabs.An Indiana pathologist ruled the child died of blunt-force injury to the head, abdomen and extremities. Naomi was beaten to death by the person who was to protect her.

On Oct 3rd Amy Holder was found guilty of child abuse in connection with the death of 2 year old Naomi. A helpless two year old toddler beaten to death by a 40 year old care giver. There was enough evidence to find Amy Holder guilty. The jury however decided that the punishment for ending the life of a 2 year old girl was a fine of five thousand dollars, no jail time, no probation just a 5,000 dollar fine.

Amy Holder was officially sentenced yesterday. The judge claimed that he could not increase the jury award of 5,000 but he was able to add 150 dollars in fees and ordered Holder to pay 10,000 to a victims assistance fund and attend counseling sessions. Amy Holder must also register as a violent offender for the next 10 years.

Amy gets to live out the rest of her life, Naomi does not get that chance. Amy ended a life and the grand total for beating a two year old little girl to death is a grand total of 15,150 dollars, counseling and 10 years on a violent offenders list. Naomi gets to spend eternity in a box.

Naomi was a member of the Cheyenne Arapaho Nation of Oklahoma. Her last name was Whitecrow. The Whitecrow family mourns her loss. She was worth more than 15,150 dollars to them, she was worth more than 15,150 dollars to me.

was this little girl worth more than that to you?