Exploding Cats

I am a cat person. I love cats and have lived with many of them. I currently have 3 cats and have lived with a total of 7 in my life. I have loved them all even Jonette’s old cat Chaucer. Chaucer hated me and even tried to kill me once but that is not what I am discussing here. Most of my cats have been well cats. Take Catzilla for instance is big and fluffy and is always big and fluffy. Cinnamon was a small cat and she was always small.

o.OWafflesO.o today displayed a unique ability that only one other cat in my life has shown. Most of the time she is a smallish cat but this morning she looked humongous. Not just fat, even though she is over eating, her general size was massive. I am sure when I get home she will be back to her normal kitten stature. I know this because Naboo would also seem to expand and contract. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to her changes in size and it was not due to fright or aggression. Cats can make themselves look bigger by fluffing out their fur. This was something completely different. She walks out of the room a normal sized cat and walks back in 10 minutes later and she is the size of a mountain lion.

I would like to put it down to an over active imagination but if that is the case why only certain cats? It is not just small cats either; Cinnamon was small and stayed small. Only Naboo and now o.OWafflesO.o are expanding and contracting kitties. Igamu, she was a standard sized cat and she never looked bigger than normal.

I can’t be the only one out there with exploding cats… can I? am I just losing my mind?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Commandments Of Tech Support

 

Calling tech support can be a frustrating experience. I know the pain of speaking with someone reading from a script. I believe that companies should care enough about their customers to have trained and, as much as I hate this word, empowered technical support. I have spent over 10 years helping customers. Although I have many stories, this is not a blog post containing complaints about stupid customers. There are more than enough Customers suck posts floating around. I am writing this post to help you, yes you the frustrated caller who needs help with a malfunctioning program or pc. I want to help you get the problem solved as quickly and painlessly as possible assuming of course you get a tech who is well trained and given the freedom to solve the problem and is not just a cash revenue generator who is paid by the call.

I present to you the COMMANDMENTS err suggestions before calling tech support.

 

  1. Thou Shalt restart the failing program before calling tech support!

    The reason for this is that many errors are random, there are many times where the problem is temporary or a bad memory call. No one can determine how or why it happens but it does and a simple program restart can fix many errors.

     

OK so you have restarted the program and the error occurs again.

  1. Thou shalt restart the computer before calling tech support!

    Sometimes the error is not in the program but could be in the operating system of the pc. Once again the problem can be memory read/write errors or the pc has just been running for too long. A restart is a great thing, think of it as changing the oil in your car or cleaning out the fridge from time to time. I usually tell people to restart their pc once a week. Yes I do not follow my own advice but when things start getting flaky that is my go to maneuver. It is amazing what can be cured with a restart.

     

OK so you have restarted the pc, fired up the program and the error is still there.

  1. Thou shalt not start randomly mashing buttons trying to fix the problem!

    Yes it is frustrating but if you start mashing buttons you can cause even more problems and no tech support person in the universe will be able to untangle what has just happened.

     

     

  2. Thou shalt write down the error message before calling tech support!

    Every tech support person will ask about the error message. Sometimes the error message contains useful information. Other times error messages are aggravatingly generic but even a generic “oops something went wrong” message can quickly guide a competent support tech right to the issue and the fix.

     

Ok the error message is an “Oops something went wrong” type, what next.

  1. Thou shalt answer the questions being asked by the support tech!

    The error message contains no useful information, that happens relax. The tech will start asking questions, answer then to the best of your ability. We are not trying to be jerks at this stage and the answer to a very odd question can provide a clue or a complete answer to the problem. Try to be as specific, open, and honest as possible. If you were surfing porn and got a virus, let us know because we are not going to report you to the authorities and if you were and porn surfing caused the problem we are going to find out. Just get it over with.

     

     

  2. Thou shalt follow instructions to the best of your ability.

    This blends in with number 5. Once again tech support is not trying to jerk you around. It is now time to try and figure out exactly what happened or is happening. If a tech offers to remote connect into your PC, let them do it. No they are not interested in stealing your data. Tech support is more familiar with the program than any caller ever will be, just by looking at the screen or program settings they can find the answer. On the plus side you can just sit back and watch them work. Remote connection is the greatest tool that any support technician can use, let them use it. Everybody wins.

     

 

  1. Thou shalt not blame the tech support person for the problem.

    The person on the other end of the phone is most likely just tech support. They did not program, test, and build the software or hardware that is malfunctioning. It is their job is to fix the problem not create one. As an aside the person you are speaking to is just that… a person a human being with all the greatness and flaws that we all have. Remember no one is perfect

 

Ok enough with the commandments but I do have some parting thoughts. You and the support tech will work best as a team; by working together the problem will be solved quicker. Being demanding or antagonistic will not accelerate the process in any way, in fact it will slow everything down to a crawl. Also realize that sometimes there is no answer, no definitive explanation, and sometimes there is not a fix and you might be required to reinstall the program. Other times it may not be possible to save your work, it can “just be gone” Once again I must state the support tech did not cause the error or intend to delete your data. Support personnel who do not want to help do not last long in the business.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Images from Tech Support

I must confess that I stole this idea from a tumblr site dedicated to coders.  It is hysterical but I think it has its place in the field of tech support.  I hope you all get a few good laughs.

“Hi I just received a username and password and I am having trouble using it to log into a third party program.

Nope can’t help you… sorry

It is time to update the software.  Image of customer right before they call me.

please let this work

Hey I am calling because this is….. hey wait it is working now! never mind have a good day!

OOOH YEA!

Hey I was cleaning out my hard drive and was looking in the system 32 folder.  I saw lots of files I did not recognise so I just started deleting them, my pc blue screened and it will not boot anymore.

You did what?

I just unplugged my modem, and now I cannot connect to your software.

face palm

The first call comes in when the data link between the server farms in New York and Chicago go down.

I got it! I got it! I got it!… OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

When I have to call a co-worker becuase I have a mental train wreck and can’t remember a simple fix.

WHAT WRONG WITCHU!!!!!!!!

“Hello my name is David Brown Eyes with tech support how may I help you today?” “Brown Eyes that is a great name… are your eyes really brown?”

HA HA HA ha ha ummmm

I fix the problem that has been floating around for a month.

GO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

The 14th attempt, just like the 10th 11th 12th and 13th attempt to fix the problem fails to work.

NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo

Hey man I think you were the one I was talking to 3 months ago about…….

Ummm who are you? what do you want?

Co-worker has a mental train wreck and can’t remember a simple fix.

dude really?

Hey guess what?  IT’S TIME FOR CALL REVEIWS!!!!!!!!!

yikes… just yikes

DUDE EVERYTHING IS MESSED UP!  I NEED THIS FIXED RIGHT NOW OR MY LIFE IS OVER!!!!!!!  and I fix it.

3… 2…. 1….

The rest of the csp team went to lunch or is at a meeting and then….

boom boom boom boom

It is 3:59 on Friday evening and the phone rings….

you can’t see me!

Original concept can be found here.

http://thecodinglove.com/

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Boobies!!

Yep time to get childish, but there are times when things just get a bit weird. Let me explain. I like to take photographs of Indian dancers. You can see some of my better photos here. http://istagi.tumblr.com/ I was adding some pictures of fancy shawl dancers when a friend of mine, Liz, commented that she would like to try fancy shawl dancing. Liz is an ice skater and I feel that her cool skillz on the ice would translate to hot steps in the powwow arbor. For some reason she mentioned

“Ballet dancers don’t have boobs, boobs get in the way.”

It was at that very moment I discovered why I dislike the ballet, no boobs. This seemed valid till I realized that I am not a big fan of opera either and big boobs are not only allowed but encouraged on female opera singers. I thought that would be the end of it.

 

Flash forward a week or so

 

Jonette and I are watching The Dark Knight, Bruce Wayne has just absconded with the entire Moscow Ballet and they are all on a boat getting sun tans. Jonette turns to me and says…

Ballet dancers don’t have boobs, boobs get in the way.

I have no idea how or why this happens, but it does and it makes life much more fun.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,100 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 5 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Shirt on My Back

I love t shirts. I love wearing them and most of the time I like reading the shirts other people wear. My favorite shirts are snarky, sarcastic, geeky, and obscure. One of the first shirts I remember really liking was back in jr. high. A fellow student had a shirt with a picture of a horse on it with the text “Horse Shirt”. Every time I saw it my mind read it as “Horse Shit”. I am guessing that was the point of the whole thing. I have no idea why he was never sent home for wearing it.

I am rather picky about the shirts I wear. I stay away from advertising or product shirts. I have always wanted to walk into an Ambercrombie and Fitch store and ask the clerk how much they would pay me to advertise their products. I am sure I would get tossed out of the store and land in pile before their oversized soft porn advert photo at the entrance to the store. I do have 1 product shirt and that is for Tanka Bar and I have no problem spreading the word about their fantastic products.

I also avoid shirts with overt political messages. There is a shirt that has been all the rage in Indian country for the past couple years. The most common one shows Geronimo and a group of armed Apache warriors with the text “Homeland Security Fighting Terrorism since 1492″. It has nothing to do with whether I agree with the sentiment, I certainly do agree, but I dislike showing my views so overtly. My friend Rick has a shirt with the text “I voted then I vomited” for some reason I would wear this shirt proudly. The vomit shirt is relatively neutral and expresses a general dislike of current voting options.

Shirts that are wildly disrespectful and or mean spirited really piss me off. I encountered just such a shirt just yesterday. A young man waiting in line for 12 cent tacos at Jack in the Box was wearing a shirt that had the following bold text “Cool story Babe, now go make me a sandwich” Why would anyone wear a shirt like that? I do not care if a shirt has bad language. I would never wear it but go right ahead if that pleases you. I greatly dislike disrespectful shirts and that cool story babe shirt definitely fit into that category. I figure that the shirts I wear make a statement about me, who I am, what I like, how I think, and how I view the world. I certainly do not wish to wear something that would give an indication that I am rude and disrespectful of others.

I think I have fun shirt. Here are some examples.

“If you don’t talk to your cat about cat nip Who will?”

“Donner Party Mix – Serving Your Fellow Man”

“Keep Calm and Bring Grenades”

A shirt sporting a t rex and a stegosaurus with the steggi saying “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal”

If I am not wearing a t shirt I am usually sporting a colorful hawiian shirt.

I consider shirts to be messages to the people around me and I am considerate of what that message is.

What shirts do you like?

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Warrior Games Order of the Stick

I was recently at an inipi ceremony on Fort Carson and since I had just recently had my gall bladder removed I was not healthy enough to participate so I was set to watch the door. What I was not prepared for was that watching the door also meant watching the wakancapi, children. All the kids were young boys and while their parents prayed in the sweat lodge they set out to play. Everyone grabbed sticks and headed out into the bush around the inipi site for a game of tag.

It took quite a long time for them to decide who was “it” no one wanted to be the “bad” guy but someone had to play the role. The argument went on for some time before it was decided that “The Hulk” would be a suitable baddy. I am not sure why the settled on the big green meanie but I think it is because the Hulk, in his unfortunate alternate color scheme, is inherently dangerous but the Hulk is not exactly bad. Every one of the kids wanted to be good at heart; they all wanted to be a hero in one way or another.

After watching them I noticed that the size of their stick seemed to indicate status. The boy with the smallest stick always seemed to be left just a bit behind in some ways. I decided to try something out. I grabbed a saw and fashioned a very nice “stick” with a Y at one end. When I was done creating it I caught up with the unfortunate boy carrying the smallest stick and traded it out for the one I had made. The play dynamic instantly changed as all the boys suddenly decided that the stick I had provided was imbued with special powers. Again they ran off to find Hulk but the pecking order was vastly different.

Time to experiment; what would happen if I leveled the playing field by creating an entire set of similar sticks. I set to work and handed them out as I finished them. I was surprised when the original stick was still the “best” stick and the current owner was deemed the most powerful. It had nothing to do with size, or age but the stick was all important. The role of Hulk passed from child to child but Hulk could never hold “The stick of ultimate power”. Hulk was powerful enough on his own, in the minds of the kids who knows what would happen if Hulk got the only thing in their universe that could stop him.

The game went like this.

One Hulk, the baddy but not really a bad guy just dangerous.

4 other kids armed with sticks.

1 stick was the ultimate stick.

The 3 kids would try and flush out the Hulk and chase him to where the one holding the powerful stick could trap or somehow subdue the Hulk.

Once that was accomplished, rolls and sticks would be exchanged and the game would start again.

It was good to see the children play. It was even better to realize that they all wanted to be good, strong, brave, and honorable. The play was fair and although a minor injury occurred when one unfortunate player took a stick to the mouth, apologies were quickly offered and accepted and other than an “ow that really hurt” everyone went on with their game. Power and leadership was not determined by size, age, family name or as with the sad case among Indians these days, amount of Indian blood. Power and control was accepted, held, and then passed on without the typical drama that I am used to seeing day in and day out in this world.

I hope those children keep their honor, fairness, playful spirits and ability to forgive. I think sometimes adults dismiss such things as childish and throw them away too quickly and the world is all the worse for it. Tunkasila please watch over and protect the young warriors on their path.

The Stick of Ultimate Power being held by the one in the grey shirt.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment